The holiday season can bring up a range of feelings, from joy to loneliness, and even dread, especially if you're spending time with family or folx you may have a complicated relationship with. This is a gentle reminder that setting healthy boundaries can be essential to self-care and maintaining your health and well-being during a stressful time of year.

Boundaries are our container of safety and comfortability. As mentioned in a previous post on the 7 different types of boundaries, we formulate our sense of self and our sense of boundaries in early childhood development- through our interactions with the world around us and our caregivers. When our caregivers aren’t able to model healthy boundaries, we may grow into adults who are unsure of what healthy boundaries are or how to communicate them. We may become unable to identify and differentiate between healthy and unhealthy, or what’s ours vs what is someone else’s.

Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable and hard, both when it's something new and when we're seasoned at doing it. Boundaries are not about keeping people away or telling others what to do, but if set properly, they're in the spirit of maintaining the relationship and helping others to know what your needs are and what they can expect from you. If someone sets a boundary with you, they care enough about the relationship to try to maintain it.

It may be helpful to decide what type of relationship you would like to have, how you would like to show up in the relationship, and consider the tone, mood, and delivery. While we may not have control over others, we do have control over our own behavior and how we choose to communicate.

Below are 17 phrases to help you set healthy boundaries for yourself during the holiday season, and beyond.

Boundaries In A Personal Setting:

• We’ve discussed this before. This is not a lifestyle choice, it’s who I am. For now, let’s move on to another topic.

• I appreciate that you’re entitled to voice your opinion, however, I don’t want to fight or ruin our time together. Let’s change the subject. (Then change the subject.)

• I’m complimented you’d ask me to help, unfortunately, I have too much going on and I need to turn it over to someone else this year.

• I know that I’ve done _____ for as long as anyone can remember. I'd appreciate if you wouldn't hold me to that standard and give me the opportunity to do something different this year.

• Please don’t touch me like that. It makes me feel uncomfortable, and I’m not okay with it.

• I'm unavailable for this event. Thank you for the invite, I appreciate you thinking of me.

• This may not be your personal experience so I understand if you may not understand how this impacts my ability to _____. I need _____ (fill in the blank with a request for your needs).

• I get that you don’t think it’s a big deal. It is to me. Thank you for respecting my wishes.

Boundaries In A Work Setting:

• I'm not mentally (or emotionally) available for this conversation right now. I'm feeling _____ and need time to get my emotions, thoughts, and words together. Can we revisit this at (day/time)?

• I'm having a hard time with _____. I need _____ (fill in the blank with a request for your needs).

• I'm feeling really impacted by _____ and I need _____ (fill in the blank with a request for your needs).

• This is a shared space, however, I'm not comfortable with _____. What can we do so that both of our needs are met?

• I appreciate how strongly you feel about _____. I feel strongly about it too and I would like to revisit this conversation when I have had time to calm down and get my thoughts together. (set a specific date/time to re-connect)

• I need some additional time to process the information I just received. Can we discuss this again at (day/time)?

• That made me feel uncomfortable, even if it was meant as a compliment or a joke. Can we talk more about it?

• I'd love to join the team event for the holiday gathering, but I need to take that time to recharge.

• I'm happy to support with this project/task. Can we set some clear roles, expectations, and timelines to avoid confusion and to help make sure we're on the same page?

Not everyone will like the choices we make for ourselves and our well-being. We have to make them anyway. The more we practice setting and speaking up for our container, our space, and our peace, the less angst we will feel over time and the easier it becomes. Practice, after all, makes progress. 🖤

Share in the comments below, what’s something you’ve done that’s helped you create healthy boundaries for yourself?

Xx,

Coach Reita

17 Phrases To Set Healthy Boundaries During The Holidays

Boundaries In A Personal Setting:

Boundaries In A Work Setting: